I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
