Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
