too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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