Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
