I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
