I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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