I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
