what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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