i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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