You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
