I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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