My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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