then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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