Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
