Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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