I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
