If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
