I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
