i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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