so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
