Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My breasts were aching with rage.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
