Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
