stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
