CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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