I wish I could teleport
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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