Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
