it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my shit smells like andre
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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