wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
