I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
