i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
