If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i out mim tonsoeep
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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