I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
