just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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