Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
