I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
3 2 1 whiskey
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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