pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
