Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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