shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
