if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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