So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
