Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
