first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dear god my vagina.
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