he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
whose parrot is this?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
