Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
