How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
