Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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