Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize