I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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