Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
