And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
should my penis look like a turkey
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
