Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
