I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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