ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
