you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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