There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
