I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
