What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
