he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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