I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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