you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
