it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
