A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize