he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
