how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize