just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Lo siento on account of my penis...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
