idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
