I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
