Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
