I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
