tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
