and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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