I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We're too hungover to prance.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
