Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
is it fun? or sober?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize