i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
