girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
