You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
