i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize