I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
