I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
