i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Drake has all the answers
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize