Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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